Monday, August 22, 2011

August 22, 2011

No I've not given up, although at times I've considered it. Ugh...This is part of why I wish I could just GO, not wait, GO NOW.  A great deal of my success is going to depend on mental stamina more than anything anyway.  I already know physically IT'S GOING TO HURT AND IT'S GOING TO HURT BAD.  I am going to exhaust my body incredibly bad.  I know this and there is no getting around many many times I've thought why not just go now?  Honestly, if I find that jogging stroller or the equivalent, it's not ruled out.

So much has happened and it's still busy, this is why I haven't had time to update on here.  I figure, there's not much to say here.  Then today I though differently.  Afterall, what is my cause?  Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and because of some major stress they have been flaring big time and I've not been able to do much of anything.  Such is the nature of the beast. My emotions concerning this have ran the gammut lately.  I've gone through feeling defeated, being angry, knowing that as long as I am still determined to do this then I am not defeated but far would I make it on days like these?  That's where that mental stamina comes in.  If I'm having an angry day or stubborn day I could probably make it further than on a good day BUT come tomorrow I would be totally unable to move. (Support vehicle would be a must)

I've also realized this walk is very personal in many ways.  I need to feel like I am worth something.  I need to show some particular people that I am worth something.  I need to feel like I am able to help others instead of always being the one who needs help.  I also realized it's about living. 

How can I explain this????

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